The Phone Courtesan

Masturbation Quotes
August 25, 2011, 8:03 pm
Filed under: Sex is a Conversation | Tags: , , , ,

“If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.”
-George Carlin

“My brain is my second favorite organ.” -Woody Allen

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
-Lilly Tomlin

“You cannot blame porn. When I was young, I used to masturbate to Gilligan’s Island.”
— Ron Jeremy

“The one thing that it seems impossible to escape from, once the habit is formed, is masturbation. It goes on and on, on into old age, in spite of marriage or love affairs or anything else. And it always carries this secret feeling of futility and humiliation, futility and humiliation. And this is, perhaps, the deepest and most dangerous cancer of our civilization. Instead of being a comparatively pure and harmless vice, masturbation is certainly the most dangerous sexual vice that a society can be afflicted with, in the long run. Comparatively pure it may be—purity being what it is. But harmless!!! ”
– D. H. Lawrence

“The only thing about masturbation to be ashamed of is doing it badly.”
-Sigmund Freud

“Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.”
-Karl Kraus

“Masturbation is to sex as philosophy is to reality.”
-Karl Marx

“Sophisticated persons masturbate without compunction. They do it for reasons of health, privacy, thrift and because of the remarkable perfection of invisible partners.”
-P. J. O’Rourke

“If you’re going to gamble your lives sexually, don’t play a lone hand too much.”
-Mark Twain

“Marriage is like a game of bridge: if you don’t have a good partner you’d better have a good hand.”
-Mae West

“Physics is to mathematics as sex is to masturbation.”
-Richard Feynman

“My mother caught me.”
-George Costanza from Seinfeld

“We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.”
-Joycelyn Elders, Penn & Teller: Bullshit!

9 Comments so far
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Another Woody Allen Quote is “Masturbation is sex with someone you love”.

Comment by PPBoy

I couldn’t agree more!!


Comment by Kris

Again from Woody Allen, “Making love is easy, I practice when I’m alone”.

Comment by PPBoy

I love Woody Allen’s mind – and his interesting choices in women in his life. 🙂 He is his own person.


Comment by Kris

All good ones! Here is one from actor Johhny Depp,

“This is a rumor-filled society and if people want to site around and talk about whom I’ve dated, then I’d say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics… or masturbation.”

Big Jimbo

Comment by Big Jimbo

I almost added this very quote to my list! I love this one! Depp says it like it is, and he is right!


Comment by Kris

It’s hilarious that George was using a copy of “Glamor Magazine” for visual stimulation when his “Mother caught him”!

“My mother caught me.”
-George Costanza from Seinfeld

Comment by Big Jimbo

Kris,I had to smile while reading Ron Jeremy’s comment about getting off to Gilligan’s Island fantasy.The debate rages on about who was “hotter”Ginger or Mary Ann….and for the kinky social climber,Mrs.Howell!!

Comment by Rod


I agree. Ron Jeremy of all people. I saw him on the AVN Awards show, he is still doing what he has done so well all these years. There are a lot of different reasons to enjoy Ginger or Mary Ann. I find them both very sexy.


Comment by Kris

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