The Phone Courtesan

The Big 5 0

Yes, I said it. The Big 5 0! That is me now. Saturday the 13th, I turned 50. I found approaching and turning 50 fascinating. I think I always thought of 50 as being ‘old’, and pretty close to being done with your life. Now that I am 50, that seems ridiculous. I do know I never want to go through my 20s ever again. In the beginning of adulthood there is so much to learn, decide and define about yourself. It was mid to late 30s that I really felt I was coming into my own. You know, that knowledge about yourself that you are finally secure in your own beliefs, thoughts, philosophies and that you can’t be easily persuaded by others thoughts and directions. The 40s – how liberating, or so I thought. But, it is the dawn of the 50s that I find I am even more aware. I have the confidence to know that what I feel or know, is definitely right for me. I have never been the type that wants to impart my beliefs on others, as the only way to be. And, I certainly hate having anyone force their beliefs on others.

I find am reveling in the world I have made. I gain such strength and confidence as a woman in this world of ours. I get to hear and learn of so many different thoughts, desires and fetishes. The eroticism and intimacy of that knowledge is so fucking hot to me. It is very empowering for me. I so love my work, and the fantasy worlds we can discover together. I know your secrets, and your fears. I am honored you trust me. In trusting me, I realize you have to surrender a part of yourself to me. I do know how hard that can be.

I have learned that there is no one way to have and enjoy sex. And that my dear in itself is a liberating thought. Why can’t ‘the majority’ get and accept that?

There are so many wonderful places that I get to go with you. You have all opened my sexual life. I am honored that I get to share with you your private journey. I learn so much from you.

If you can believe it, in my 20s I used to be so shy and so nervous about sex. But now, I am 50.

Thank you for going with me on my journey too.

April 12, 2009, 10:57 am
Filed under: Companion | Tags: , , , , , , ,

I love the word Companion.

Companion ~ someone who shares experiences, a persons company that one enjoys, a ‘thing’ made to match or harmonize with another, one of a pair, accompany, go with ~~~ friend, partner ~

This is how I honestly look at what we share.

We don’t have to be experts to know when we are receiving a higher level of care or service. We are all consumers, and we do know the difference.

I hope you have felt and known that difference from me. Lately it has been on my mind a great deal. And, it has become increasingly important to me that you have felt that from me.

You see, not only am I your companion, but you are my companion as we journey together in this.

I thank you for that.

May 14, 2007, 2:33 pm
Filed under: Perfection | Tags: , ,

What is perfection?

I am often asked what my perfect fantasy or scenario etc…is. It got me to thinking.

Where do we all look for perfection? Do we really expect perfection? Is it mostly from ourselves? Is it in our relationships? In our partners bodies or looks? From our children? From our friends? In our work? From our elected officials? In reading these questions all grouped together in thought, most of us would say no, of course not. How difficult would that anal person be to live with? Our life experiences show us, that to be in a relationship with someone who has those true expectations, is surely doomed to fail. There is no way that you could please that kind of friend, lover, parent or boss all of the time.

However, if we separate each question, couldn’t we relate to one or more of those demands we put on others, or worse – ourselves? I don’t know if it is because I am older and wiser, (a chuckle inserted here) or if I am just realizing that trying to attain that level of perfection I have set for myself, can be tiring. We are usually our own harshest critic.

What is one of the greatest realizations I have come to learn about through my phone work?? I now understand my perception of ‘perfection.’

Never fear, I am still very hard on myself. Personally, that will be a life long evolving of learning and understanding. But, at least it gives me something to do, right? ; ) No, my understanding of perfection has been so openly expanded through my work.

It is not always what you look at that matters. It’s what you see.

I now know, “My idea of perfection is a voice on the phone.” Why? It isn’t because you describe yourself to me, and I am turned on. Quite the opposite. Anyone I speak with knows I purposefully don’t want to know what you look like. I take that back, sometimes I like to know the color of your eyes, but I need nothing more from you for me to see you. I realize you are the gift that has been given to me. I feel you. I listen to you. I learn about you. I sense the private you, that is inside you with out ever looking directly at you. I don’t see you with my eyes. I am happy that I have that approach to people, even when I am looking into someone’s eyes.

Another part of perfection for me that I have discovered, is how our connection allows me to feel your touch. They say timing is everything. And ‘they’ are right. There have been times that I hang up, having had my needs met, perfectly. I have learned that my idea of perfection has become ‘that moment’ in time, that I share with someone.Yes, sometimes that does mean I was satisfied through an incredible mutual sexual release with you. But mostly, it is because I have come to know that for what ever reason, we were meant to touch one another at that very moment, and at this time in our lives. You perhaps shared a comment or said the perfect thing to me, that I so badly needed to hear, and you have no idea how you just touched me. I am so lucky to be in my chosen profession.

Having said that, I realize it is those very moments that I strive to make you feel, each and every time. But the wonderful surprise and added joy in my life, is when ‘our’ moment crosses over and you start to touch me and enhance my own life.

Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is perfection.

To me, perfection is a voice on the phone.