The Phone Courtesan

The Big 5 0

Yes, I said it. The Big 5 0! That is me now. Saturday the 13th, I turned 50. I found approaching and turning 50 fascinating. I think I always thought of 50 as being ‘old’, and pretty close to being done with your life. Now that I am 50, that seems ridiculous. I do know I never want to go through my 20s ever again. In the beginning of adulthood there is so much to learn, decide and define about yourself. It was mid to late 30s that I really felt I was coming into my own. You know, that knowledge about yourself that you are finally secure in your own beliefs, thoughts, philosophies and that you can’t be easily persuaded by others thoughts and directions. The 40s – how liberating, or so I thought. But, it is the dawn of the 50s that I find I am even more aware. I have the confidence to know that what I feel or know, is definitely right for me. I have never been the type that wants to impart my beliefs on others, as the only way to be. And, I certainly hate having anyone force their beliefs on others.

I find am reveling in the world I have made. I gain such strength and confidence as a woman in this world of ours. I get to hear and learn of so many different thoughts, desires and fetishes. The eroticism and intimacy of that knowledge is so fucking hot to me. It is very empowering for me. I so love my work, and the fantasy worlds we can discover together. I know your secrets, and your fears. I am honored you trust me. In trusting me, I realize you have to surrender a part of yourself to me. I do know how hard that can be.

I have learned that there is no one way to have and enjoy sex. And that my dear in itself is a liberating thought. Why can’t ‘the majority’ get and accept that?

There are so many wonderful places that I get to go with you. You have all opened my sexual life. I am honored that I get to share with you your private journey. I learn so much from you.

If you can believe it, in my 20s I used to be so shy and so nervous about sex. But now, I am 50.

Thank you for going with me on my journey too.

Sexual Gratitude
April 2, 2008, 9:32 pm
Filed under: Sex is a Conversation | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Is there such a thing? Thankfulness for sex? Do we take our sexual enjoyment for granted?? Is sex, something we should add to our list of ‘bountiful blessings?’ Do you ‘breathe in’ with appreciation each and every time your body feels aroused? Have you experienced sexual contentment?
I am not simply talking of the momentary pleasures that one might feel after having just received a mind blowing blow job, or a precious sweet oral moment that was spent lovingly on the lips of our pussy. Both of those, do have their importance in our lives. ; ) However, those moments alone are not what sexually sustains us.
Recently, I was walking around the park by my house. It was one of those gloriously warm days when you are just so appreciative to feel the sun bathing your skin again, reminding you that winter is slowly on it’s way out. I began down that mental path of taking stock of all the things I am thankful for. I am lucky. It is a huge list to get through.
I have long realized, with a bit of a quiet knowing chuckle, that I can never explain my sex life to many people. Nor do I. I have found that while I am so sexually satisfied by my variety of men, I know I am limited in my ways to personally thank them. I do try to. And I hope I convey how special and wonderful my experiences are with them.
In reality, I lead a very quiet personal life. I know, that kind of admission could hurt my image. : ) But, if I am anything, it is truthful. My sex life has blossomed through my men that I talk with. I feel my sexuality evolving, constantly. Each lover that I spend time with, allows me to further explore and embrace myself as a more confidant woman. I find I am able in this safe venue, to touch a wide variety of fantasies and to happily enjoy them vicariously through you. Each one allows a new part of me to emerge and unfold in front of you. I can never thank my lovers enough for the simple and beautiful opportunities that they give to me. Every fantasy, as in every man, is very different. We all carry in us such private places. We simply need to accepted, and be encouraged to open and share those secret parts of ourselves. I feel such genuine pleasure when I feel I have connected with you, in your private place. It then becomes mine. I grow through you.
We all need sexual contact. Yes, we can live with out the physical sexual touch of another, because we can surely enjoy the most exquisite self love and care through our own touch. We all know our own bodies, very well. Fantasy life can be extremely fulfilling. Truth be told, there are times that what I miss is the simplicity of hand holding, walking together and the simple sharing of kisses.
Sex can hold such complexities. There are so many layers to peel away and to examine. And there can be so many reasons why those layers exist. We all bring with us our upbringing, our past experiences and rejections, our religion, our hidden fantasies and fetishes, and our fears.
Thank you, each and everyone of you, for helping me to examine, peel away and feel each layer as it becomes exposed. I will be eternally grateful for the sex we share. And, for the woman you help me to become.